My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
