He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
