She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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