I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have fence marks all over my body
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
