I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
