Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
