I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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