I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
