Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
