the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
