Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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