Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
