We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
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Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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