seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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