And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
