WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
