My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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