True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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