good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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