that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
