This house was built for laser tag.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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