My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
