you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
