His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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