textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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