I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
