We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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