I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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