I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
