I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
