i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
