I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
