idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
