I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
