We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
