The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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