I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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