can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize