I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
