just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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