So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
