I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
