i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
