you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
