the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
