i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
