he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
