As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
