i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
