69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
