when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
