I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
