capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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