What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
