we're blogging at a bar
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
