what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
