Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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