Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
