He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
