It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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