Already got asked if we're dating
handjob tips. give me some.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
