i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
