I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
