Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
