It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
