I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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